I'm back and going back...

Good news! I am back to blogging (for a stint) and I am going back to Haiti...!!! June 25th people!

So while I was down in Haiti- there were many times I would pray, God, why am I here? Why-oh-Why?

And most of the time I got the feeling that my friends and family at home were being affected greatly by my adventure- friendships were deepened, hearts were broken for Haitians and prayers were more fervent. (I know my mom shot up some fervent prayers during that time, right?) I felt deep in my heart a long time ago that I wanted to bring a group of family/friends back down to Haiti to show them all what they had been praying for and supporting for so long.

So we have about 8 members at the moment and space if YOU would like to join us! Come meet amazing children, spiders the size of Milwaukee, a gaggle of mosquitoes and experience that will cut you to the bone.

Plus, come eat the rice and beans you have heard oh-so much about.

Excited about this trip but could use your unconditional prayers! I feel like one of those typical leaders, What God? You want me to lead what??? But I know He will put the people on the trip that are supposed to be on the trip and He will provide in every logistic. I have to keep reminding myself, this trip is not about ME and how well I organize and make sure everyone has FUN- it is the Lords trip and He will be glorified.

Home Sweet Home

I didn't know how I would feel coming home. So many questions. So many thoughts. So many emotions. 

A good friend wrote me an email and in it she included this... 

(read it. I know, I always skip over quotes too- but read it! It is good!) 

by Oswald Chambers

We have all experienced times of exaltation on the mountain, when we have seen things from God’s perspective and have wanted to stay there. But God will never allow us to stay there. The true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain. If we only have the power to go up, something is wrong. It is a wonderful thing to be on the mountain with God, but a person only gets there so that he may later go down and lift up the demon-possessed people in the valley (see Mark 9:14-18). We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only time.

We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The mountaintop is not meant to teach us anything, it is meant to make us something. There is a terrible trap in always asking, “What’s the use of this experience?” We can never measure spiritual matters in that way. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.

I thought this summed up my feelings toward leaving quite well. I am descending from the mountain. THIS is the true spiritual test. God is saying to me, What will you do with this gift of Haiti I provided you? What did you learn and how will you teach it? 

Moments on a mountaintop (Haiti) are rare and since I am not called to be a bystander on earth... now what? 

Some notable moments: 

1. I cried. Yup, one of those awkward goodbye speeches to the kids where I started crying. Probably the only time I cried in Haiti- so notable. 
2. Miami Airport was just fine. I thought walking on American soil would be emotional. In fact, I sometimes pictured the thought in my head and would get teary. But it was all quite normal. I was just more annoyed and focused on my 5.5 hour layover.
3. Steak and Spinach Salad. Yes, this was the first thing I did in the airport. Before calling, texting boyfriend or friends or family.(if you have followed from the start you would know this was my last supper) 
4. How quickly we forget. Jesus, please don't let me forget the plight of Haiti and its people. 
5. Hot shower was more than I could have imagined. enough said. it felt amazing. and then I took a bath. 
6. Flush the toilet. I have had to remind myself multiple times that I need to flush the toilet. Americans do that. 
7. Rice, Beans and Chicken. Avoiding those things like the plague. 
8. Haiti will always be part of me. Thank God. 

And coming home is so much easier when your mom puts your very own Christmas tree in your room. 

Thanks mom. 

Merry Christmas All. 

He came to give us LIFE. Christ is King.

I will miss church

There is something different about the way Haitians worship. Uninhibited. Unabashed. Unprogramed.

Yesterday in church, I wanted to soak in every feeling and emotion and never, ever forget what was going on in that moment. Ever have those moments?

I wish I could have taken a picture or video (cause you know my skills at making a video) to show you all- but you will have to settle for a poor description of a truly spectacular sight.

Our pastor John Mchoul, is NOT your normal pastor. I think he would take pride in me saying that. He is from Bahston (like me) with the wickedest accent I have heard in a long time (yet a Yankees fan- boo). He and his wife have lived here for 21 years and ran many different amazing ministries. He has crazy, uncombed curly hair and wears the exact same worn blue polo every week and chastises men from the pulpit who wear ties. He is  spirited-filled and you can usually find him on his knees, forehead to the floor during worship. If not on the ground, he is jumping up and down high in the air, eyes closed, arms extended to Jesus.

This Sunday he preached barefoot because he kicked off his shoes during worship. Shouldn't we all do that? Kick off our shoes during worship? I am fairly certain this was unplanned- but he called all the men up to the front of the sanctuary spur of the moment and asked them all to start praying for their wives, children and for them to be strong men of God. Haitian style prayer is everyone praying at the same time- crying out to God all at once. Then he stopped in the middle of it and made everyone swap places on the stage and start again. What a sight- to see men on their knees, holding hands, desperately praying for each other. A normal practice for John is to turn to the worship team and ask them to play a certain unknown song, repeat a certain song or he just starts signing This Little Light of Mine at the top of his lungs. I smile to myself thinking about a worship leader in America reaction- What?? We haven't rehearsed that song! Not in the program John! 

This Sunday, after the mens prayer, we went right into singing Gloria in Excelsis Deo. You know, Gloooooooooooooorrrrrrrr-iaaaaaaaa. That one. I used to love that song when I was little. Well, I am standing there singing this Christmas song I have sung my whole life (literally meaning Glory to God in the Highest) watching these men. Frumpy missionary men- you  know the type. Unstylish, uncool missionary men jumping, raising their hands to God Almighty, holding each others hands, hugging, eyes closed tight screaming Glllloooooooorrrrr- iiiiiaaaaaa at the top of theirs lungs. Pure joy and admiration filling the room. Haitians, Americans, young, poor, black, white, all screaming, dancing, clapping like no one is watching. Praising God as if they was no one else in the room. You would have thought we were at a concert or something. I never want to forget that moment.

I want more church services to be unprogramed, spontaneous acts of the Spirit. What would happen if we threw away all structure of a Sunday morning and started from scratch? Worship SHOULD be like dancing with no one watching, singing in the shower, unfiltered love. Worship SHOULD be an act of prayer, desperation, repentance, thankfulness. It SHOULD be like you are at a rock concert. If you were to sing a love song to your beloved, would you stand there stone faced singing from a hymnal? (nothing wrong with hymnals- but you get the point) Sometimes I wonder why I sing and dance my heart out to, "All the Single Ladies, All the SINGLE LADIES!!" yet I stand up straight and narrow in church.

All that to say, I am going to miss Haiti and the purity of their church. No fancy lights, no high tech sound, no well-established, well-read pastors who have written books- just purity. (again nothing wrong with those things per se, but come to Haiti first and then we will talk...)

Watch out Grace Chapel I am coming back, kicking off my shoes and dancing down the aisles.

in the midst of it all- a wedding

These past few days have been difficult for me. I go home in less than a week and all these riots have really put a damper on my spirits. The riots in and of themselves but also, I didn't picture my last week here being confined to the orphanage (a bad case of cabin fever!) and the frightful thought of my flight getting cancelled on Thursday looming over my head. Flights have already been canceled from last Wednesday through this Monday. I had this long list of things I wanted to do one last time, like attend our church on Sunday, that sadly won't get accomplished since we are not allowed to leave to the compound.

But also the hard emotions of a transition back to America have been creeping in this week. I had a dear friend write me an email a few weeks ago basically saying, I CAN RELATE! Five years ago, she bravely took off in the middle of sophomore year of college to go serve in Africa for the semester. I will always remember how different she returned, a little more mature, a little more steady, a lot more wise. But, at the time I didn't get it.  The email was of pure joy and excitement that finally we could understand each other a little better and dive a little deeper into our friendship now having experienced the same thing.

She also provided a grave warning in her email about the difficulties of returning. She explained it as one of the loneliest times in her life. Finding people who can relate to your experience is difficult and as much as loved ones want and try to relate- they just cannot. Everyone has their own life experiences and everyone expresses themselves differently. But this I know- If I go home to America and it is NOT difficult then this mission has been lost. If I return and fall easily back into normal life then I have just wasted 4 plus months of my life. I hope it is hard. I hope there are tears. difficulties. challenges. those are the things that bring brightness on the other side.

God doesn't send us on an easy path. Life isn't pleasant. Thank you God for creating fresh tears and broken hearts.

Enough of that- I went to a wedding today!!

Yes in the midst of riots I sat and listened to a beautiful bride exchange nuptials with her betrothed in French.

A teacher at our school was getting married and a group of our girls were bridesmaids. I made an off-hand comment earlier in the week how I wanted to go to the wedding and one of our girls looked up at me with this expression like I was the stupidest person in the world, "Kaitlyn, ALLLL white people are invited". Oh excuse me! duh! I should have known! Well apparently, you all missed the invite because Brooke and I were the only white people at the wedding. It's okay. You are sending a gift right?

Well, let's just say I may have selfishly gone to partake in a Haitian experience, but boy did I get what I signed up for!

The wedding started at 9am. We got a text the morning of that said the wedding was going to start at 10 am. By 10:15 we had finally gathered up the girls and were out the door. the wedding started at 11 am. This is Haiti. And yes, it lasted 1.5 hours.

Some intimate details...

Immediately upon arrival, Brooke was deemed some sort of official photographer, being told what to take pictures of. She got right to work...

  Full Choir

Many things I have learned from a Haitian wedding that I will someday incorporate into my own wedding. 

Apparently, in Haitian weddings you walk down the aisle at a snails pace. left foot, one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Right foot. one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Left foot. 

I am not kidding. It took the whole wedding party about 15 minutes to walk down the aisle. 

And not a joke: They walked down the aisle to "Can You Feel the Love Tonight." Immediate lip biting when this song came on. I made a quick glance at Brooke across the room, more lip biting...

Now, the bridesmaids did a CHOREOGRAPHED dance down the aisle!!! How cool! Yes please I will adopt this into my own future ceremony! They danced down the aisle to Pocahontas' "Colors of the Wind". 

Listen up my future bridesmaids, you will be dancing to The Lion Kings, "Be Prepared". 

Start practicing. 

Then this above lady walked down the aisle... not the bride yet. 

Here comes the bride... so we thought...

This sweet lady (below) comes walking down the aisle, sweet Brooke is flashing her snapshots as fast as her camera will go, and the woman walks all the way down the aisle and takes a seat in the front pew. What?? Brooke comes and sits down next me, fully satisfied with her photography work and great pics of the bride. The girl next to us leans over and says, That is not the bride! Why are you sitting down? 

Brooke jumps up again. What? Then who is that chick? Is she crashing this wedding? Does she know she is wearing a wedding dress? I guess in Haiti the sister of the bride wears a wedding dress too? ( I will NOT adopt this practice into my own wedding- even if I had a sister) 

 NOT THE BRIDE!!!

 HERE IS THE BEAUTIFUL BRIDE! 

 They sang There Will be Miracles When You Believe by Mariah Carey

 The 29 men that rushed the stage with camera phones to take a picture of their first kiss. 

 L.O.V.E. 

Notes to self: Start your own wedding on time. Make wedding party walk at snails pace. Make Brooke sing There Will be Miracles solo. Don't let anyone else wear a wedding dress. 

Thank you Zamo for letting us partake in your special day. At my wedding, of course ALL HAITIANS will be invited. duh. 

war zone

Haiti looked like a war zone today. Day 2 of rioting and the airports shut down yesterday and are shut down until Sunday!! Crazy. I have never heard of an airport shutting down for that long (not due to weather) except for Sept. 11.

I didn't take these pictures but they are about a mile from where I live. (to put in perspective- the distance of Chelmsford center, North Beverly or the beach in Santa Barbara from my home)

All these were taken from this website 

In other news, read Bill's blog. Bill and Susette were told about a 17 yr-old girl that had been a slave to 4 men in a tent city for 3 years being raped every night. They were able to aid in her rescue, have dinner with her and share the gospel. How amazing. Beauty from ashes. 

burning from the rooftops

(wanna catch-up? read this post- I don't claim to be any political journalist. forgive me) 

Today rioting, burning and protests fill Port-au-Prince. Last night the presidential elections were announced at 12 am. Who announces election results at 12am? Haiti. That's who. We heard gunshots in the distance last night, every radio in the neighborhood tuned to the same station and lots of yelling. American Airlines have cancelled their flights in and out of PaP. And MANY other rumors flying about... 

Haiti is now going into a run-off between a woman candidate, Manigat, and the supposed shoe-in (son-in-law of current president), Celestin. The peoples favorite, Martelly, will not be in the runoff. Everyone feels this is not a fair outcome and the results have been rigged. 

From our roof top you can see fires burning. You can't see it too clear in this picture, but if you look close you can see the haze of black smoke. 

(taken courtesy of Lucas) 

Below is burning at the intersection of our neighborhood to the main road. 

(Courtesy of Brittany)

A lot of our employees didn't show up today and schools have been cancelled. Again, it is hard to fathom ever being trapped in my house in Chelmsford, Beverly or Santa Barbara due to an election. Being trapped isn't a good feeling. Although, thank God, I do feel safe. The violence and anger is towards the government- not innocent orphanages and our neighborhood is pretty calm.  

I feel sad for these people. They have endured so much this past year- 300,000 died in the earthquake- 1 million homeless, 2000 dead to cholera 91,000 people infected. They deserve a fair election. They deserve change. They deserve honesty. 

Since my heart has been broken for Haiti, I have seen such beauty, glory and light yet also seen such evil, dirty destruction caused by sinful ways. Things you don't see as clearly in America. 

We are gathering today as a staff to pray for the Lord's guidance and wisdom and that He provide freedom for these people. Please join us in prayer for Haiti today. 

I also found this really great blog if you follow Haiti news- http://goatpath.wordpress.com/ 

Running

I have always thought any of my jogs in Haiti could be plenty of material for a hefty blog post. 

Black diesel smog filling my lungs. (ionic that I could be getting lung cancer while trying to stay healthy) Potholes in the "road" as deep as my knee cap. (again, ironic that I could break a leg while trying to build muscle tone) And trash piles to my left and right. (not ironic- just gross) I really don't know why I bother, since I can't even go that far from the house anyways. Brooke and I usually just end up taking laps. Which means we encounter Haitians staring and mocking us- not once, but 2-3 times. They seriously look at us like we have 9 heads. "What in the world are they doing? Poor Americans, have to exercise because you eat too much. Tragic" We usually have some guy start running along side of us- mocking us of course. Or a gaggle of child in tow- following those bizarre "blancs". 

But never-the-less we go because it is a grasp to our old ways. And Brooke can't be saving the world ALL the time, right?? (just kidding) 

Thought you should see what our runs look like...

Sorry it is so pixelly and jumpy ( I WAS running, filming and avoiding strange men emerging from potholes all at the same time).

But you get the idea right?