I was told that when people go to Haiti, their sin "pops out". If there is sin some where in your heart it boils up to the surface in Haiti. This scared me. What is going to jump out of my mouth and be revealed to all those around me? yikes!
Haiti is raw and pure. You are cut down the bare minimum. Not much confusion- just the have and the have nots.
Well this week I got a taste of it and it was bitter (haha that sentence makes me laugh- cheesy kaitlyn). But really. I came to Haiti because God called me to serve His people. Feed the hungry and clothe the naked. But, I am still a work in progress. A BIG work in progress.
Being a "blanc" (white) I get stared at, treated differently and elevated. Most likely anyone reading this blog would be treated the same way. If you have a computer, the same would happen to you. (not because of the computer- but because you have enough money to OWN a computer) And I accept being treated differently. I eat well, sleep behind a guard and am awarded privileges just because of the color of my skin. It is difficult NOT to live within these privileges.
It is hard to ignore the "us and them". Haitians vs. angel americans that sweep in to save the world. I am fed lies all day long- you are better than them, you deserve the food you are eating, you know better than them. Lies from the enemy.
I would fight you to the ground if you ever called me racist. A racist with all its horrible connotations. But sin hides itself in dark corners where you never thought it existed... and it doesn't come out on Sunday mornings or when things are happy and peaceful. It bubbles out when times are hard and you are cut down to the raw blackness of your heart. When you are frustrated, distraught, tired, fed-up and broken... it seeps out and you want to hide it so no one else will ever see. (yet- I post mine to the world wide web- go figure) Lies that have been fed creep out in your thoughts, I am better than you, I am more educated, I am rich. ewwwww gross. How did that get into my thoughts? Cleanse me of those horrible lies.
I pray that Christ wipes away all the lies that have been told between cultures.
Blessed are the poor in spirit.
Kaitlyn, I am astounded and touched by the way you so honestly bare your soul for the world to see. Any of us who claim no prejudice must examine our reactions in those desperate, desolate moments you describe. You are an amazing witness to the truths of our Lord and Savior. Linda Stovall
ReplyDeleteI like how you described..."It bubbles out when times are hard and you are cut down to the raw blackness of your heart. When you are frustrated, distraught, tired, fed-up and broke" I have found this so true living in a country and culture that is so different from my own. It seems like daily there are moments where feelings of superiority and pride creep in. And I am often left ashamed and shocked.
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